I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
