You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
