I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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