I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
how drunk are you?
Several
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
