i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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