he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
