dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
