found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
