so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize