last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
