I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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