My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
