Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
