Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
