Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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