does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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