Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
