I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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