She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
