Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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