One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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