what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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