that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
