What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
