I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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