Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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