Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
