We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
