Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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