I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
