Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
