I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
