I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He did a backflip because drugs
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