Your face is a jimmy john
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
