I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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