I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
