I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
