I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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