by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
