I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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