I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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