you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
