Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
