There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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