I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
