Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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