Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
