butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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