I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
