I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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