if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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