just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
